Posted by: Gossip Girl 007
A day after I sent my response to Miss Life Sucks I received the reply below. To my AMAZEMENT it looks like she took the high road...at first glance anyway. I read it a few times and she doesn't own up to her needy behavior (which I didn't expect anyway) and she throws it back at me like my response was due to me going through a difficult time instead of real issues I have with the friendship. How rich of her! It makes me laugh.
Thanks for writing back. Wow, I do have to say that I am very surprised to see your reaction. I really don't want to go back and forth on what I agree and disagree with since you're going through some difficult times. You should focus on that right now. Perhaps my email came at an inopportune time, but I had no way of knowing that since the last tine we communicated was in February. Eventhough I don't know what's happened, I'm positive that everything will work itself out for you. Just try to maintain faith in God that it will.The purpose of my email to you was not to lay blame or put pressure or upset you. However, from the tone of your email it sounds like it did. I'm a firm believer that people should be honest with one another. I wanted to let you know how I was feeling and why and was hoping to hear about your thoughts and feelings. I'm glad you responded and appreciate your honesty. I do hope you get through this difficult time. Regardless of how angry you're feeling towards me right now, if you need anything or there's something I can do, don't hesitate to let me know.Take Care, Miss Life Sucks
The response is still about what she needed and her feelings. I can't work on this friendship because I see it as me feeding into her neediness and then I am back where I was. As far as I am concerned this friendship is done and my not responding to her should make that clear. I feel at peace with my decision since I got to be honest and say what was bothering me and why I retreated from this friendship. I gave her a chance to own up for some of her behavior and I was thinking she might. I guess that’s because I am the type of person that does not have a problem saying when I am wrong. In this case I feel I was right and I need to surround myself with friendship that enrich my life not bring me down.
Thank you all for you comments and advice!
Showing posts with label Gossip Girl 007. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gossip Girl 007. Show all posts
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
...My Response to Difficult Friend
Posted By Gossip Girl007
I took everyone's blog advice in responding to Miss Life sucks. I think I was honest, kind, yet firm in expressing how immature I think this all is. When I started writing my response it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It actually felt really good to get this stuff off my chest and finally say all the things I have been holding back for many years. I tried as hard as possible not to be hurtful nor throw specific instances back in her face( like she did to me) because that is just not me. MY sister and my best friend thought this was a good email so I went for it and emailed her today. So far all I know is that she read it so we will see what the reply (if any) is. Either way I feel comfortable with my decision to write her back and with what I said.
Miss Life Sucks,
I did not expect this type of email from you but I am going to take this opportunity to be honest with you. I was also glad when we reconnected and I do consider you a friend. I just think that we view our friendship very differently. Our friendship has been that we pretty much that we drift in and out of each other’s lives, which is fine. I have a lot of friends who I see on an off and that doesn’t mean we don’t care about each other.
Yes, I should have called you back after the many times you called me but I was going through a difficult time and I needed space. Everyone else in my life understood and gave me the space I needed. From what I gather from your email you took it personally. That is your choice. There are some things that I don’t share with everyone and yes they are confined to my “inner circle” as you put it. I also don’t respond well to pressure. It felt to me that you wanted someone to hang out with and while you offered support by checking up on me, at that time me not responding meant I needed some time alone.
The reason we drift apart is because we don’t have that much in common. You are in a different place in your life than I am. I enjoy spending time with you but after awhile the friendship seems very one sided. Most conversations are about the stuff going on in your life and you don’t seem to have a very positive attitude when things don’t go your way or friends don’t respond the way you want. This whole email is about the way you feel and what you want of the friendship. Not once do you ask if something is wrong with me. This is OK that is they way you chose to express yourself. There were times when I walked away feeling drained from our conversations and I was upset by whatever feelings you had about something. I can empathize and sympathize with situations my friends are going through but in the case of our friendship if felt like a lot of pressure was put on me to say the right things to soothe your situations. I don’t know if other friends drift in/out of your life but if this has happened to you before maybe it’s because they don’t get support back from you maybe it’s more about soothing you and that may require you to look at yourself and deal with why this happens to you. If it’s just me who feels this way, well then write it off as whatever you want.
As for the myspace thing, I envy you that you have nothing better to worry about except why you aren’t on my top friends. Which since I am being completely honest I had not noticed until you mentioned it. I don’t value people by the place they hold on my myspace page. This is a very immature thing to bring up. Your email says you care about me but the words in the email just don’t show it.Where this friendship goes will depend on your response to what I’ve said. You wanted an answer and I gave it to you honestly.
I took everyone's blog advice in responding to Miss Life sucks. I think I was honest, kind, yet firm in expressing how immature I think this all is. When I started writing my response it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It actually felt really good to get this stuff off my chest and finally say all the things I have been holding back for many years. I tried as hard as possible not to be hurtful nor throw specific instances back in her face( like she did to me) because that is just not me. MY sister and my best friend thought this was a good email so I went for it and emailed her today. So far all I know is that she read it so we will see what the reply (if any) is. Either way I feel comfortable with my decision to write her back and with what I said.
Miss Life Sucks,
I did not expect this type of email from you but I am going to take this opportunity to be honest with you. I was also glad when we reconnected and I do consider you a friend. I just think that we view our friendship very differently. Our friendship has been that we pretty much that we drift in and out of each other’s lives, which is fine. I have a lot of friends who I see on an off and that doesn’t mean we don’t care about each other.
Yes, I should have called you back after the many times you called me but I was going through a difficult time and I needed space. Everyone else in my life understood and gave me the space I needed. From what I gather from your email you took it personally. That is your choice. There are some things that I don’t share with everyone and yes they are confined to my “inner circle” as you put it. I also don’t respond well to pressure. It felt to me that you wanted someone to hang out with and while you offered support by checking up on me, at that time me not responding meant I needed some time alone.
The reason we drift apart is because we don’t have that much in common. You are in a different place in your life than I am. I enjoy spending time with you but after awhile the friendship seems very one sided. Most conversations are about the stuff going on in your life and you don’t seem to have a very positive attitude when things don’t go your way or friends don’t respond the way you want. This whole email is about the way you feel and what you want of the friendship. Not once do you ask if something is wrong with me. This is OK that is they way you chose to express yourself. There were times when I walked away feeling drained from our conversations and I was upset by whatever feelings you had about something. I can empathize and sympathize with situations my friends are going through but in the case of our friendship if felt like a lot of pressure was put on me to say the right things to soothe your situations. I don’t know if other friends drift in/out of your life but if this has happened to you before maybe it’s because they don’t get support back from you maybe it’s more about soothing you and that may require you to look at yourself and deal with why this happens to you. If it’s just me who feels this way, well then write it off as whatever you want.
As for the myspace thing, I envy you that you have nothing better to worry about except why you aren’t on my top friends. Which since I am being completely honest I had not noticed until you mentioned it. I don’t value people by the place they hold on my myspace page. This is a very immature thing to bring up. Your email says you care about me but the words in the email just don’t show it.Where this friendship goes will depend on your response to what I’ve said. You wanted an answer and I gave it to you honestly.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
...My Two Cent for Anonymous
Posted By: Gossip Girl
I have to say something to Anonymous because their comment was left on my original post.
What the hell is your problem? I found Funky's comment totally appropriate! It's her thoughts/opinion which I asked for...it was valuable to me in my decision making. Like Sassy said don't like...don't read the blog! You could have given me you opinion on the situation not trash someone else for speaking their mind.
To my Secret Name bloggers - I wonder if it was Miss Life Sucks who found this blog even though I don't list this site on my original blog. Maybe she recognized her letter! LOL!
I have to say something to Anonymous because their comment was left on my original post.
What the hell is your problem? I found Funky's comment totally appropriate! It's her thoughts/opinion which I asked for...it was valuable to me in my decision making. Like Sassy said don't like...don't read the blog! You could have given me you opinion on the situation not trash someone else for speaking their mind.
To my Secret Name bloggers - I wonder if it was Miss Life Sucks who found this blog even though I don't list this site on my original blog. Maybe she recognized her letter! LOL!
...What I Am Going To Do
Posted By: Gossip Girl 007
First of all THANK YOU all for taking the time to comment on my post about "difficult friend", it really helped me reach my decision. I my gut was to delete her email and not reply. But I'm going to reply to her email and be as nice as possible while making it very clear the reasons why we drifted apart.
But since this has happened in the past I am prepared for her reactions which will include her getting mad, telling me I am not the person she thought I was (whatever I know who I am) and pretty much calling me a bad friend. I'm sure she will remove me from her myspace -- the funny thing is I probably wouldn't notice! LOL!
I'll let you know how it turns out in the next few days! THANK YOU again!
First of all THANK YOU all for taking the time to comment on my post about "difficult friend", it really helped me reach my decision. I my gut was to delete her email and not reply. But I'm going to reply to her email and be as nice as possible while making it very clear the reasons why we drifted apart.
But since this has happened in the past I am prepared for her reactions which will include her getting mad, telling me I am not the person she thought I was (whatever I know who I am) and pretty much calling me a bad friend. I'm sure she will remove me from her myspace -- the funny thing is I probably wouldn't notice! LOL!
I'll let you know how it turns out in the next few days! THANK YOU again!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
...Difficult Friend's Email to me
Posted By: Gossip Girl 007
Wasn't it just last week when I wrote about Miss Life Sucks? Well she wrote me an email through myspace and now I really don't know what to do. Her email (below) sounds sincere though a little needy. What should I do? I really do hate hurting people but allowing this friend back in my life will require a lot of effort on my part. I can't do that right now. I am going through a LOT of things in my personal life and I just can't take on her needs. Do I take this opportunity to be upfront and tell her the truth that she drains people and demands to much of a friendship with out giving back? Of course in kinder words. I just don't know if this friendship is worth salvaging but I'm not a total bitch and I think I should say something to her. HELP ME I NEED ADVICE!
Hi, Gossp Girl---Hope all is well with you. This is TOTALLY going to sound like a note I would've slipped into your locker in high school(LOL!). For the past few months I've been wondering what happened between us. I was SO happy when we reconnected through My Space. From time to time throughout the years I had thought about how you were doing and what you were up to. You had always been such a sweet, compassionate friend and I always remembered that about you. You can't say that about a lot of people in this day and age.Even though we had only been reconnected for a few months, when you got sick and had to have the surgery, it meant a lot to me that your sister called to tell me. The last thing I would've thought is that you would consider me to be such a friend that you would let me know about something so personal during a very stressful period in your life. I mean, the only people who were at the hospital the day of your surgery were your best friend and your family...your inner circle.
I felt like we were on our way to becoming really close friends again. Then all of a sudden I noticed we hadn't talked in a while after my birthday. When your birthday came around, I called you a bunch of times wanting to take you out for dinner or drinks. But you never answered. Then I noticed that you had taken me off your Top Friends list on My Space. You know I'm VERY sensitive when it comes to stuff like that and I get paranoid. I kept calling and emailing and I still didn't hear from you. So here we are 6 months later and I feel like we're not even friends anymore. I know you have a lot of stuff going on with your family, but I can't help but wonder: what happened?I know I sound like a whiny, pathetic girlfriend emailing her boyfriend (yes, it's silly...but I do feel that way!), but it's been something that's really been eating away at me. It really makes me sad to think that you are mad or hurt by something I may have done or something that you may have misunderstood. And so, I'm here hoping that you'll be open and honest with me and tell me what happened. I'm totally PMS-ing too, so if I'm sure this has something to do with the extra pathetic tone to me too. :)I hope that I hear back from you, but if I don't, I hope that you leave knowing that I love you and will miss you, and didn't mean to push you away. Eventhough we've come in and out of our lives for over 20 years and have shared moments of laughter and tears, your friendship has always meant a lot to me and will always continue to be. Hugs, Miss Life Sucks
Wasn't it just last week when I wrote about Miss Life Sucks? Well she wrote me an email through myspace and now I really don't know what to do. Her email (below) sounds sincere though a little needy. What should I do? I really do hate hurting people but allowing this friend back in my life will require a lot of effort on my part. I can't do that right now. I am going through a LOT of things in my personal life and I just can't take on her needs. Do I take this opportunity to be upfront and tell her the truth that she drains people and demands to much of a friendship with out giving back? Of course in kinder words. I just don't know if this friendship is worth salvaging but I'm not a total bitch and I think I should say something to her. HELP ME I NEED ADVICE!
Hi, Gossp Girl---Hope all is well with you. This is TOTALLY going to sound like a note I would've slipped into your locker in high school(LOL!). For the past few months I've been wondering what happened between us. I was SO happy when we reconnected through My Space. From time to time throughout the years I had thought about how you were doing and what you were up to. You had always been such a sweet, compassionate friend and I always remembered that about you. You can't say that about a lot of people in this day and age.Even though we had only been reconnected for a few months, when you got sick and had to have the surgery, it meant a lot to me that your sister called to tell me. The last thing I would've thought is that you would consider me to be such a friend that you would let me know about something so personal during a very stressful period in your life. I mean, the only people who were at the hospital the day of your surgery were your best friend and your family...your inner circle.
I felt like we were on our way to becoming really close friends again. Then all of a sudden I noticed we hadn't talked in a while after my birthday. When your birthday came around, I called you a bunch of times wanting to take you out for dinner or drinks. But you never answered. Then I noticed that you had taken me off your Top Friends list on My Space. You know I'm VERY sensitive when it comes to stuff like that and I get paranoid. I kept calling and emailing and I still didn't hear from you. So here we are 6 months later and I feel like we're not even friends anymore. I know you have a lot of stuff going on with your family, but I can't help but wonder: what happened?I know I sound like a whiny, pathetic girlfriend emailing her boyfriend (yes, it's silly...but I do feel that way!), but it's been something that's really been eating away at me. It really makes me sad to think that you are mad or hurt by something I may have done or something that you may have misunderstood. And so, I'm here hoping that you'll be open and honest with me and tell me what happened. I'm totally PMS-ing too, so if I'm sure this has something to do with the extra pathetic tone to me too. :)I hope that I hear back from you, but if I don't, I hope that you leave knowing that I love you and will miss you, and didn't mean to push you away. Eventhough we've come in and out of our lives for over 20 years and have shared moments of laughter and tears, your friendship has always meant a lot to me and will always continue to be. Hugs, Miss Life Sucks
Thursday, August 23, 2007
..."Difficult Friends"
Posted by Gossip Girl 007
I'm stuck on this situation for months now. To be honest I don't know what to do about Miss Life Sucks. She is a friend who I had known many years ago and had stopped speaking to her for awhile but then she found me thru myspace. It was nice to hear from her at first and we exchanged emails pretty much catching each other up on our lives since we last saw each other. She is a nice enough lady but she is so EMOTIONALLY HIGH MAINTENANCE. If you are back in her life man you are back up in there. She tells you every move she makes and wants you to advise her on every drama she has with everyone in her life. Her point of view is always, "Life sucks, men suck, family sucks, work sucks, etc." She never sees the glass half full it is always half-empty.
I think (though I don't know for sure) but the thing is that she clings on to one friend at a time and does everything with that friend...shopping, clubbing, lunches, etc...which is great I love to do that with my friends too. But with Miss Life Sucks she wants to manipulate all my time. I am so not having that. The other thing that bugs me is that she always has something to say about each of her friends and how they "wronged her". When I hear the stories it seems to be like they got since of her "woe is me" attitude and stopped hanging out with her.
I feel the way she sees life starts to depress me. She complains about so much going wrong in her life that she can't focus on the good. I start to wonder if I should be worried all the things I don't have or aren't going my way. But that isn't me I'm grateful for my life, happy with it, and try to focus on the good. I know friends are supposed to be there for each other but when is it OK to be a little selfish and do what's best for me? I know I don't get much support from her. There was a time she came to see me when I was sick but even still she was talking about all the times she was sick and people weren't there for her. I don't think she knows how to be happy with anything and I don't feel it's my job fix her life.
In the last couple of months I stopped returning calls or emails as a way to avoid her. Each email or voicemail is all needy and I can't handle it. Friendships are supposed to be a two way street...a give and take. I feel like I do all the giving and she keeps taking, taking and taking. Am I being a jerk here?
I'm stuck on this situation for months now. To be honest I don't know what to do about Miss Life Sucks. She is a friend who I had known many years ago and had stopped speaking to her for awhile but then she found me thru myspace. It was nice to hear from her at first and we exchanged emails pretty much catching each other up on our lives since we last saw each other. She is a nice enough lady but she is so EMOTIONALLY HIGH MAINTENANCE. If you are back in her life man you are back up in there. She tells you every move she makes and wants you to advise her on every drama she has with everyone in her life. Her point of view is always, "Life sucks, men suck, family sucks, work sucks, etc." She never sees the glass half full it is always half-empty.
I think (though I don't know for sure) but the thing is that she clings on to one friend at a time and does everything with that friend...shopping, clubbing, lunches, etc...which is great I love to do that with my friends too. But with Miss Life Sucks she wants to manipulate all my time. I am so not having that. The other thing that bugs me is that she always has something to say about each of her friends and how they "wronged her". When I hear the stories it seems to be like they got since of her "woe is me" attitude and stopped hanging out with her.
I feel the way she sees life starts to depress me. She complains about so much going wrong in her life that she can't focus on the good. I start to wonder if I should be worried all the things I don't have or aren't going my way. But that isn't me I'm grateful for my life, happy with it, and try to focus on the good. I know friends are supposed to be there for each other but when is it OK to be a little selfish and do what's best for me? I know I don't get much support from her. There was a time she came to see me when I was sick but even still she was talking about all the times she was sick and people weren't there for her. I don't think she knows how to be happy with anything and I don't feel it's my job fix her life.
In the last couple of months I stopped returning calls or emails as a way to avoid her. Each email or voicemail is all needy and I can't handle it. Friendships are supposed to be a two way street...a give and take. I feel like I do all the giving and she keeps taking, taking and taking. Am I being a jerk here?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
...The Scale
Posted by: Gossip Girl 007
Thank you my anonymous friends for the encouragement. I did go to my WW meeting last night and it wasn't so bad. Having not been there on a regular basis for a month I was only up 2lbs. That's really not bad because I know I indulged in way more than 2lbs of food in the last month. It's funny because the meeting topic was about "the road to success". It was encouraging and I made everyone laugh when I said I fell off my success road.
So here I go my 1,643,689 time on WW. I exaggerate it's only like my 5th or 6th time starting over. At least I'm doing it!
Thank you my anonymous friends for the encouragement. I did go to my WW meeting last night and it wasn't so bad. Having not been there on a regular basis for a month I was only up 2lbs. That's really not bad because I know I indulged in way more than 2lbs of food in the last month. It's funny because the meeting topic was about "the road to success". It was encouraging and I made everyone laugh when I said I fell off my success road.
So here I go my 1,643,689 time on WW. I exaggerate it's only like my 5th or 6th time starting over. At least I'm doing it!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
...Dieting
Posted By: Gossip Girl 007
I am dreading going to my Weight Watchers meeting tonight. I haven't been going to the meetings lately and I feel awful about it. I don't want to go but I have to go and face the scale even if the number goes up. I hate that weight has always been an issue for me. Granted I don't let this depress me or stop me from living my life. It's just a nagging thing in the back of my head. I was doing so good before on WW, I had lost about 15 lbs but like always I gained it back and now since I rejoined I've only lost 5 lbs. It's been yo-yo...gain 5/lose 5...it stinks...BIG TIME.
I guess the right thing is to go to the meeting, get on the scale, get my "new" number and start over. Right? UGH!!! I wish I didn't love food so much! I wish my metabolism was faster!
I am dreading going to my Weight Watchers meeting tonight. I haven't been going to the meetings lately and I feel awful about it. I don't want to go but I have to go and face the scale even if the number goes up. I hate that weight has always been an issue for me. Granted I don't let this depress me or stop me from living my life. It's just a nagging thing in the back of my head. I was doing so good before on WW, I had lost about 15 lbs but like always I gained it back and now since I rejoined I've only lost 5 lbs. It's been yo-yo...gain 5/lose 5...it stinks...BIG TIME.
I guess the right thing is to go to the meeting, get on the scale, get my "new" number and start over. Right? UGH!!! I wish I didn't love food so much! I wish my metabolism was faster!
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