...at a loss

by Sassy

And no, this post has nothing to do about work. I know, surprising. But for once there is something other than work that is bothering me and it is far worse than any issue at work. It has to do with my mother. And I no longer know what to do.

My mother is a very protective woman and in most senses, a control freak. She hasn't liked since I turned 18 (or even before) and found my independence and wanted and started to venture out on my own. She has never been one to be ok with me having a boyfriend and spending my time with him and his family. This is something that has gotten worse over the years. She hates me being independent, and yet complains about any little thing her and my dad do for me. Makes zero sense to me, but what the hell do I know. So each time something gets thrown in my face, I make sure to correct it and it makes me even more independent from them. They haven't paid for anything of mine since I turned 21 or 22. Before then, they would help me out here and there with little stuff I think just to make them feel like I needed them or something. I don't know. But that has long since stopped and I never ask them for anything. Oh, but this doesn't stop her from bitching. That I have gotten used to. But what I can't get used to is her not being ok when there is someone in my life or if their family accepts me.

Lately, she has been really making me feel like shit. Here I am so happy with everything that I have going on and she is like a dark cloud trying to tear me down. I don't think that she doesn't intentionally, but she is still doing it. Just last week she told me that I have lost myself. That I no longer am the same person that I was. The funny thing is, I have become an even better person in my current situation. I am actually a responsible adult and doing adult things. I am not out partying every night of the weekend or any night possible during the week. I don't miss work because I am hung over or just don't feel like going. But that isn't good enough for her. Now she is complaining that I am not up around them and the rest of the family enough. I don't call my family enough. I don't do this and I don't do that. Half the shit she threw in my face I laughed about because nothing had changed. It was just something for her to bitch about. Why the hell can't she just be happy for me? Why can't she just be happy that I am happy and realize that I am a grown woman doing what I want to do and making a life for myself?

And why the hell is she so jealous of the other family? This makes no sense to me at all. My boyfriends family are absolutely wonderful. I have never been treated so well or accepted like I am now. They actually go out of their way to have us around. His mom is constantly calling me and emailing me. It is like I am a part of their family. I am always invited to everything, it is just assumed that I will be there unless we say that I can't for some other reason. This pisses my mother off. She feels that I have no need for them or something. She thinks that we spend all our free time with his family. This isn't the case. They just happen to invite us to do things every now and then. My parents have never once asked for us to come to their house. I always have to be the one to ask if we can come over.

I just don't know what to do. Yesterday my mother hung up on me over and issue that had to do with my boyfriends family and we still haven't spoke. Her exact words, "Well you better be sure to stay close to them." And when I told her that was wrong I got, "You know what, I am done fucking talking to you," and then CLICK. That is just part of the bullshit that I deal with from her.

His family has a work convention in March that is in Vegas. I have heard of it before, but never thought anything of it. My ticket is paid for. There was never a question of "Can you go?" It was just, I am welcome and I am going. To me, that makes me feel so good. To my mother, she hates it and can't deal with it.

Just lost...