...at a loss

by Sassy

And no, this post has nothing to do about work. I know, surprising. But for once there is something other than work that is bothering me and it is far worse than any issue at work. It has to do with my mother. And I no longer know what to do.

My mother is a very protective woman and in most senses, a control freak. She hasn't liked since I turned 18 (or even before) and found my independence and wanted and started to venture out on my own. She has never been one to be ok with me having a boyfriend and spending my time with him and his family. This is something that has gotten worse over the years. She hates me being independent, and yet complains about any little thing her and my dad do for me. Makes zero sense to me, but what the hell do I know. So each time something gets thrown in my face, I make sure to correct it and it makes me even more independent from them. They haven't paid for anything of mine since I turned 21 or 22. Before then, they would help me out here and there with little stuff I think just to make them feel like I needed them or something. I don't know. But that has long since stopped and I never ask them for anything. Oh, but this doesn't stop her from bitching. That I have gotten used to. But what I can't get used to is her not being ok when there is someone in my life or if their family accepts me.

Lately, she has been really making me feel like shit. Here I am so happy with everything that I have going on and she is like a dark cloud trying to tear me down. I don't think that she doesn't intentionally, but she is still doing it. Just last week she told me that I have lost myself. That I no longer am the same person that I was. The funny thing is, I have become an even better person in my current situation. I am actually a responsible adult and doing adult things. I am not out partying every night of the weekend or any night possible during the week. I don't miss work because I am hung over or just don't feel like going. But that isn't good enough for her. Now she is complaining that I am not up around them and the rest of the family enough. I don't call my family enough. I don't do this and I don't do that. Half the shit she threw in my face I laughed about because nothing had changed. It was just something for her to bitch about. Why the hell can't she just be happy for me? Why can't she just be happy that I am happy and realize that I am a grown woman doing what I want to do and making a life for myself?

And why the hell is she so jealous of the other family? This makes no sense to me at all. My boyfriends family are absolutely wonderful. I have never been treated so well or accepted like I am now. They actually go out of their way to have us around. His mom is constantly calling me and emailing me. It is like I am a part of their family. I am always invited to everything, it is just assumed that I will be there unless we say that I can't for some other reason. This pisses my mother off. She feels that I have no need for them or something. She thinks that we spend all our free time with his family. This isn't the case. They just happen to invite us to do things every now and then. My parents have never once asked for us to come to their house. I always have to be the one to ask if we can come over.

I just don't know what to do. Yesterday my mother hung up on me over and issue that had to do with my boyfriends family and we still haven't spoke. Her exact words, "Well you better be sure to stay close to them." And when I told her that was wrong I got, "You know what, I am done fucking talking to you," and then CLICK. That is just part of the bullshit that I deal with from her.

His family has a work convention in March that is in Vegas. I have heard of it before, but never thought anything of it. My ticket is paid for. There was never a question of "Can you go?" It was just, I am welcome and I am going. To me, that makes me feel so good. To my mother, she hates it and can't deal with it.

Just lost...

Fucking family

Posted by: Bow Down.

You know, I've been writing a lot about my in laws on here. I only do it because they give me so much amo. My husband has this family member who doesn't live in our state. This person likes to drive to our city for a night, to get drunk and party. Usually this means they sit at my house getting trashed in the hours before, then go out, come stumbling home, waking me up and then leave in the morning. When they leave there are piles of beer cans, stains on the carpet, liquor bottles, a messy guest room and bathroom. I am sick of this. I am the most frustrated because to me, unless you are coming to town to see someone you shouldn't stay with them. I can understand once but 4-5 times now this person has come here for no reason other then to party. Not to spend time with us, or hang out just to party. If all you are doing is coming here to party then go stay somewhere else.

My husband’s parents do this shit to. I've mentioned his mom does the dishes (ick) but that is it. Her idea of cleaning doesn't include wiping counters or putting away plates of food or generally doing any actual cleaning at all. This means that last time they left, I had stains all over my white counters, plates of food left out and so on. I was totally appalled.

And although they always say they are coming here with the intentions of seeing the family they never actually spend any time with the family. Instead they rush through family time so they can run off and gamble. In fact, last time they went so far as to invite my parents over for breakfast the next morning and then wake up and be so ancy to go gamble they tried to skip breakfast all together and just go to the casino. After seeing that I clearly needed to eat, and one other family member needed to eat to take his meds, they said fine we can eat at the casino, and never thought to call and cancel with my parents. (i would have done so but I was unaware of the invite until three days later). After breakfast two of them were so busy gambling they couldn't even come give us a proper goodbye. So they hadn't seen their grandson in 6+ months I think closer to 8 but it was more important to gamble then to come and say good-bye.

On top of all of this, the only time they come to visit us is on our sons birthday and then one other time for Christmas. Other then that they assume it is our responsibility to drive there and see them. We are young, can't afford that much gas money and time off work to drive there just to hear that his dad has to go fishing and his mom has to go out with her friends. In the end it turns out to be a wasted trip because they end up spending zero time with my son and then the next thing I know we are paying for more gas and coming home leaving me thinking, what the fuck just happened.

The final straw though was this last birthday when they came up. They had the following complaints. The people who chose to sleep in the guest room really seriously complained that I did not have a flat sheet. Let me explain my guest bed to you. When I was little we were poor and I slept on one of those little kid fold out couches as a bed. When I was in 8th grade my parents started a business and came into some money. The first thing they bought me was a bed. It is a queen size pillow top ultra comfy bed. Seriously people, I've had people ask to spend the night with me just to spend a night in this bed. On top of the bed, is a 600.00 feather bed (yes you read right). The cover on this is imported fabric from Italy aprx 800+ thread count Egyptian cotton and hand sewn together by Scandia Down (go ahead and check out that place some time, it is the best quality bedding ever). On top of that is a feather duvet, that also cost as much as a car. Again it is covered in the highest quality bedding. Since I had that, I have never felt it was necessary for a flat sheet as it would just get kicked to the bottom and the cover on that is so soft I would never ruin that by using a flat sheet. My pillowcases all match and are the same material. I have 4-5 sets of bedding for this bed so it gets washed after every visit, and generally I wash it if it sits for to long unused. So you can imagine how totally appalled I was when they had the nerve to complain about the bed. They told me the feather duvet was to heavy so I pulled out a plush Ralph Lauren quilt that I use in summer that cost me no less the $300.00 and is one of the damn softest things ever on the planet. They were appalled that I wanted them to use that with out a flat sheet, and they thought I should have washed it out of taking it down from the guest room closet, never mind it had been washed before being put there. Then his uncle complained about the pillowcase I gave him for his pillow. It was a fucking Hotel Collection 600 thread count Egyptian cotton pillowcase. Please tell me what the fuck you can find to complain about that. PLEASE! In the morning I was left with a destroyed guest bed, blankets all over my couch and pillows everywhere. Blankets on my floor, dirty counters, dirty kitchen table and a disgusting guest bathroom.

Then they wanted to take leftovers home with them. I have a bad habit of leaving my Tupperware at work and I only have two left in my house that my husband uses for his lunch. They gave me snarky looks and made snide comments because I suggested they put the food on a paper plate and cover it with foil for the trip home. What the fuck was I thinking!

Now let me tell you what would have happened if any single family member of mine had stayed over. The kitchen would have been left so immaculate it would put a cleaning service to shame. The bathroom would be so clean you could eat of the toilet seat. The guest sheets would have been washed and put back on the bed. The living room would have been immaculate. My fridge would have been cleaned out. My garage would have been cleaned and my carpets vacuumed.

More MIL

Posted by: Bow down

I can't believe I forgot to mentionn this yesterday. I am sort of a dusting and vacuuming freak. For me, vacuuming means first taking the hose off and going around EVERY EDGE of my house. Then getting under the couch and so on. Followed by vacuuming each room ultra thourough and making sure the vacuum lines appear in my carpet. Often times if I notice the canister is too full I will revacuum the room after dumping it, just to be sure. I usually dust weekly and you can often find me running to my laundry room to grab my swiffer duster for on the spot jobs I notice in passing.

This is why I was mortified the first time I visited my MIL's house. The first thing I noticed was that she doesn't appear to own a vacuum. So not only are the edges of her carpet gray and about an inch thick with dust, behind her furniture is soooo dusty there are now spider webs and dust bunnies that look as though there is a family of 4000 dust bunnies living and mating on a daily basis. If I was the type of person who got hives I would have broken out in hives upon seeing this.

You would think it couldn't get worse but it can. It appears she hasn't dusted since my husband was 12 and it was his job to dust. In fact, her trinkets are so caked with dust that you can't see the faces on them or the detail anymore. In her bathroom she has a doily on her toilet, the doily is so caked with dust you actually can't see the color of it anymore. The linolium where the toilet is, is lined in gray.

I wasn't sure how to take this so I asked my husband about it. He informed me that since she is old and in her fifties it was okay that she never cleaned anymore. I thought to myself great, only about 30 more years till I'm done with chores for good.

One day I was there and I got to witness her cleaning. She took an old dirty rag and wiped around some of the obvious stuff however, didn't wipe any of the trinkets or even move them. I was mortified by this. I had no idea how to respond. She has never dusted her picture frames, or the clock on her mantel or anything. Now if I was the sort of person to have allergies or freak out, I probably would have had to go to the hospital upon seeing this as it would cause me a major system shut down.

Yet, my husband has a fit if I leave mail on the counter or a pair of shoes out in the open. HUH!

MIL

Posted by: Bow Down

I've decided it might be fun to post things on here about my mother in law. So that’s a new segment I'm going to start. Today's little gem. DISHES! Omg people this woman’s dish doing capabilities freak me right out. Little scenario. In her kitchen there is a plastic tub next to her sink, visualize a large tub of ricotta cheese. In the tub is some grayish water. In the water is some soap (maybe if there is any left) and a sponge. Obviously this is cold water since there is no magic plastic tub heating mechanism, and obviously there is no drain so this water never gets cleaned.

Now lets walk over and put a dish in her sink. She will then walk over, grab said nasty sponge from the tub rub the dish, rinse it and call it a day.

Wait, lets rewind. She just pulled the sponge out of the stagnant water and washed the dish. Umm NO!

So can you now imagine why when she comes to my house I practically beg her not to do my dishes. I have this cute little frog dish that sits by my sink. After the sponge is used, and thoroughly rinsed and dried the sponge sits in the frog. So you can imagine my horror when she does my dishes and I find a little puddle of nasty water sitting there. If she comes to your house to do your dishes she will put some soap on the sponge and not resoap or wash the sponge till the end. Then she still doesn't wash the sponge she just sticks it full of water in her little puddle of water in my frog.

So help me God it makes me break out in hives. This means that when she leaves I will rewash every dish in my house by hand and then for extra hotness power shove them all in the dishwasher on screaming hot and re clean them ALL.

Soooo what about you, anything your MIL does to drive you fucking insane?